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Let’s talk about mobile games for a second.

 Most are utterly terrible, with the exception of a few gems like Angry Birds or Plants Vs. Zombies. Apple has the best marketplace for mobile games, keeping in mind 95% of the apps are crap. If a game does well on iOS, you can expect to see a version on the Android Google “Play” marketplace. Another 3 months after THAT, the Amazon appstore might get a version of a game, that will likely never be updated.  Amazon has an incentive program called Amazon coins that you earn for purchases in the Amazon Marketplace. Each coin=one cent. 

Today (10/16/13) if you want to earn $4.60 in Amazon app funny money, “purchase” these 23 FREE apps. You don’t need to download; each app “purchase” (free)earns 20 cents. I highly recommend you spend this $4.60 on good games like The Room, Plants Vs Zombies, or maybe Angry Birds Star Wars. I can’t in good conscience advise anyone to spend any time on the following 23 apps, with one exception.

 

Here is a list of the 23 free apps that will earn you  Amazon coins for a total of $4.60 in Amazon app credit. I inexplicably tried each app for 5 minutes and wrote a short review

 

Pocket Mine

I’m a miner. The ceiling moves down constantly. My pickaxe breaks unless I spend more $. So I die. Deleted.

Shooting Showdown

I’m a gun in a gunstore. I can shoot other guns. Or targets. Oops, only 7 bullets. Buy more? NO.

Laugh & Learn TM Where’s Puppy’s Nose? for Baby

Fisher Price commercial with scarily happy characters. Nightmare fuel.

Fun Run – Multiplayer Race

Game required registration with Facebook before I could play. Nope. Out.

SpongeBob Diner Dash

Actually pretty fun. Frantic resource management. I kept forgetting to put away dirty dishes.

Zombies Ate My Friends

Dress up your zombie hunter. Fight cute zombies in cute stages. Meh.

Guncrafter

I’m building guns out of wood blocks. (?) Now I’m stuck on inescapable ad screen. Unlock full game? HAHAHA

Jackpot Slots- Slot Machines

I would say this is the methadone for slot addicts, except you can still spend real money.

Despicable Me: Minion Rush

Spent 2/3 of 5 minute review downloading additional content. Followed byloading screens. Actual game was a decent runner.

Houzz Interior Design Ideas

Like a Pinterest for interior decorating ideas. Let me contain my excitement. How U ZZZ…

Can You Escape

Hidden object/puzzle game. Spent most of my 5 minute review rearranging a horse. Cleared first room, will probably play more.

FIFA 14 by EA Sports

Took over half an hour to download. Looked and sounded amazing for the 20 seconds before it crashed.

The Simpsons: Tapped Out

If you have over 100 updates, you don’t deserve to call yourself a mobile game.

Hill Climb Racing

I broke my Hillbilly’s neck in Hill Climb Racing. I hope Bobby-Sue got lots of royalties for drawing the levels.

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Temple Run 2

Actually pretty good. Simple play mechanic, great graphics for mobile. Falling death scream hilarious.

Angry Gran Run

Same game as Temple Run 2. Except everything looks terrible. Guaranteed to make your grandma angry.

Pic Collage

I made this. Yay.

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Subway Surfers

Another Temple Run knockoff, this one with adorable street urchins tagging everything in site. I can’t.

Facebook

Mark Zuckerburg is a NSA tool, and I’m also a tool for  already owning and using this app.

Pinterest

Look. I tried. I even made a board of creepy clowns. I’m just not pinterested.

Jetpack Joyride

Genuinely fun endless runner type game. Actually controls well for touch. First game I can recommend.

Accuweather

67 degrees, sunny with 3 mph SSW wind. The ads tell me to shop at Home Depot in my new Mazda.

PicsArt Photo Studio

MAKE IT STOP

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